And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize