wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
