You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
