sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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