Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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