My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
