she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the day after is always just damage control
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
