how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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