Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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