So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
