i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
