office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
