I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize