a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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