sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
