Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
