she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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