It's Friday. Sex?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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