he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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