Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
