Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
