dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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