Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
