It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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