Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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