She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
