he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
