so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
