I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
