At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
