This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
