we're blogging at a bar
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
