Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You can't motorboat a personality
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
