Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
