There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
