hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
