it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
