I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
