I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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