I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
