Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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