i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
