apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
