don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
COCAINE IS GR8
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
