How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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