Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just threw up on my dentist
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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