I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize