I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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