This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't deserve a penis
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
