and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
