Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Drake has all the answers
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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