Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
