He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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