We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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