"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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