the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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