my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
