Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
