Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
