Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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