Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
vagina is talking i cant
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
