I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
