my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
