East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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