Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
