You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
