you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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