youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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