Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize