I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am one with the molecules
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize