im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
