Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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