just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
