sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
