I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
