I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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