Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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