Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
