my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
